There are a huge number of ways for an affair to be discovered - but some of them hurt the betrayed spouse even more so than others. It is always hurtful to discover that your spouse is having an affair - but it is even more hurtful to catch them in the act for them to readily admit to their actions. Below are some of the many ways that the betrayed spouse may find out about the affair.
When the straying spouse confesses so that they can end the deception
Sometimes, an affair may have occurred a number of years, months or weeks ago and it may well be completely over. The straying spouse might choose to disclose the affair to their partner not because they feel like they have to - because the affair is over - but because they want to end the deception. Oftentimes, many straying spouses will disclose the affair in this situation so that they can start to move forward in their marriage on a clean slate - no lies, secrets or deception.
When the straying spouse confesses so that they can end the marriage
Occasionally, a straying spouse will tell their partner that they have been having an affair in order for them to end the marriage. Disclosing the affair is a rather effective way of emphasising that they don't want to be in the marriage anymore and that they are not interested in working things out. In this situation, the betrayed spouse will usually have to heal alone and will more than likely have to try to work out the answers to their questions alone.
When the straying spouse confesses to prove a point or to send a message
A straying spouse might sometimes confess to an affair - or hint at an affair - in an effort to get their spouse to sit up and take notice. A straying spouse might confess to an affair in order to hurt their spouse or to cause them harm. They might confess to an affair in order to make their spouse realise that they might lose them.
Or, they might confess to an affair because they are simply desperate for their spouse to take notice of them again. Whatever the reason for their disclosure, in this scenario, it may well be easier for the couple to get through the affair as the straying spouse was honest about their actions.
When the straying spouse confesses so that they can stop the questions
Often, when an affair occurs, the betrayed spouse already has an inkling that something is going on. They may well constantly question the straying spouse, asking them where they are going, who they are seeing and what they are doing. The betrayed spouse may even have an inkling as to who their spouse is having an affair with and will question whether they and their spouse are "just friends".
For a while, the straying spouse will deny that anything has happened between them and the affair partner, but after a while, they may disclose a few small details - they might say "We only kissed once" or "We were just flirting, no big deal".
Eventually, after constant questioning from their spouse, the straying spouse may confess to the affair in all of its detail in order to stop the questions. With so much evidence - and a full confession, the dishonesty on the part of the straying spouse can feel like a double whammy in terms of betrayal.
When a friend discloses the affair
Sometimes, a friend will be the most reliable source of information for an affair and they may well disclose the full details of the affair in order to help their friend. It might not feel like they are being particularly friendly, but in most cases of a friend disclosing an affair, they are only doing so because they want to protect their friend or because they think they have a right to know.
However, some friends may be going out of their way to be unfriendly - or purposefully hurtful - when they disclose the affair to their friend. In this situation, it's always important to listen to any actual evidence that your friend may have - rather than hearsay - so that you actually have solid evidence to confront the straying spouse with.
When an anonymous source discloses the affair
In this situation, a spouse may receive an anonymous phone call, text or email claiming that their spouse is having an affair. If you don't know the individual involved or they refuse to tell you who they are, ask yourself why. Why would a stranger choose to disclose that information to you when it is nothing to do with them? Chances are, a stranger wouldn't tell you about an affair - so it's possible that the disclosure isn't actually true.
When the affair partner discloses the affair
It's not unusual for the affair partner to disclose the affair - and in this situation, it is more likely for the affair partner to disclose the affair if the straying spouse has been repeatedly dishonest with them about the situation at home.
The straying spouse may have told their lover that their spouse "doesn't understand them" and that the marriage is all but over - but yet they stay in the relationship. The affair partner might disclose the affair in order to force their lover's hand. More often than not, this results in the end of the affair.
When the affair partner's spouse discloses the affair
When the affair partner's spouse has discovered the affair, they may well be so angry that they make contact with the unsuspecting betrayed spouse in order to disclose the affair so that some sort of action can be taken. This can be one of the most hurtful ways to discover an affair as the information given to the unsuspecting betrayed spouse may well be tainted with anger - making it less neutral and less easy for the betrayed spouse to handle the information.
What To Do If Your Partner Is Having An Affair?
Time To Act: There is hope.
An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.
Contrary to popular belief, experts say that many couples survive infidelity and are able to rebuild a stronger, better and more fulfilling marriage after the betrayal.
By Kajay Williams
No comments:
Post a Comment